7 March 2009

Going Across the Border


"That fucker will be pepper sprayed in the eyes with Satan's cock is what I think," was how one of the Portuguese at the mill put it when I asked what they thought of the U.S. border guard pepper spraying a Canadian Portuguese for repeatedly asking the guard to be more polite and respectful. The Geezers are pissed off. One of their own, a select few in the Dope City immigration scheme, attacked, "For what? For asking the border guard not to be such an asshole? Is that a crime?" Their dark eyes all Salazar, all Salazar after the great leader placed Mussolini's photograph on his desk.

I do not know about the Geezers and their way of thinking. The best way to cross a border is undetected. That has gotten trickier over the years. Failing that, I fail to see the wisdom of pissing a border agent off under any circumstances. Short of sucking the motherfucker's dick, I would do just about anything under the sun for a border agent with a smile on my face and a briskness of pace.

I could tell you a few border stories, and maybe I will one day, but not until after I have crossed the border from Life to Death. Well, I guess there is one I could tell you.

The Hockey family used to go down to America quite regularly. Sometimes for a weekend, sometimes just for lunch. We had some great times in America.

There was never any trouble getting into the States. We are a very white family, people turn off a light or two in the room when we enter. That used to be the only passport you needed to get into America. Our return to Canada was another story. Just before we hit the border dad would lean over the car's big front bench, wave his big open right hand and yell, "EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Then we would not make a sound until we were in Canada. If we could have stopped breathing we would have. The trailer was full of booze. Us Hockeys never had much money but we always had lots of money to load up on booze in America.

Dad says now, "If you are going to get caught smuggling a few bottles why not bring back a few cases?" That is Newf logic: if you are going to be bad, be bad well.

1 comment:

Jon said...

The story of the border beatdown got some press play here. The angle was, those Kooky Canadians with their manners. Don't they know that manners will get you a beating? This was mostly coming from the crowd who believe that, if you don't want to get killed you shouldn't do anything that will draw the attention of a policeman. This might backfire as a lot of us heard the story and thought, "Wouldn't it be swell if men in uniform were polite and respectful to me."