Banished From Badminton Canada

Astute readers will have by now asked themselves, "What the fuck does Beer know about badminton?"

I do not play any more, quit before I would have inevitably been banished by Badminton Canada. Used to play lots, here in Canada and in England. In Canada we play hockey after we play badminton - we get jittery playing a sport devoid of contact for too long. In England we went for beer after a match or two on the blood-stained hard court. English get jittery as shit when they are not drinking. I played badminton like I played goal in other sports: like an idiot.

I thought the fucking English liked their badminton just a little too much. Wearing their whites was the highlight of their week.

Swatting a shuttlecock down an opponent's throat is like playing a ukulele in your boxers on the moon. One of the ways we get exhilaration, besides doing dope, is playing sports. Badminton is a cracking good game.