27 November 2008

Hammer Talk

After my dog eats
She comes by whoever just fed her.
Yesterday she came up
To me after I had fed her dinner.

She said, "Thanks Beer. That's
Some fucking great dog chow.
Best dog chow ever. If I didn't
Want to let you in on how smart
I really am I would open up
The fridge and get you a fucking
Beer. Wouldn't hurt you to cut
Down to three cups of food a day
For a while too you fat fuck."

"Plus treats," I reminded her.

"Treats are good."

"I sure wish I could train you
To get me a beer. That's the only
way I can justify a treat increase.
If you would get me a beer
You would be my best dog ever."

My dog winked at me
And laughed.
She speaks telepathically.
We all do.

Then she burped.
Burped all over the fucking floor.
I tried to get her to eat
Her floor burp.
She would not do it even
Though the food was unchewed.
Slimy dog chow floor burp.

She is my best friend.


Stephanie said...

Ugh, I can't deal with dog puke- but it's always me that has to do it and I gag the whole time. Luckily, she has a pretty solid constitution.
Barf was my one real fear about having kids. They always make it to the toilet, though. They're the best kids in the world:-)

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I can recall the whole Hockey family power-puking all over the house at the same time and my mom going crazy trying to keep up with it all. And it wasn't even Christmas.

Mostly the Hammer pukes on the kitchen floor. I don't dare step in there with the lights out.