Sniffing It

The Hammer was sniffing it when I bent down to see what she was so interested in. It was a homeless fucker's wet shit. I shoo'd her away from the big pile before she had a chance to change her mind and tuck into it. My dog has not eaten or rolled in human shit for quite some time. I am real proud of her not being a shit eater.

Then yesterday she found a bag of fuck-knows-what that had probably blown out of a garbage can during the weekend wind storm. Whatever it was in that bag smelled and looked worse than shit and it was my job to get it from my dog before she ate it all.

"Put it down you crazy shit eater!"

The Hammer looked at me like a Grand Wizard might look at Barack Obama and ran off with the bag. I ran after her. After a brief struggle I pulled most of the bag away from her, spilling the bag's contents all over myself in the process.

I have smelled bad in my life but this was the worst smell you ever smelled. I breathed in the smell on my clothes, leaned over and vomited so hard it hurt. My dog took advantage of my weakened condition and started licking up my up-chuck. Lick. Lick. Lick. I vomited again. What a stink of fuck-knows-what and vomit that was.

I liked it better when my dog ate homeless people's shit.