21 May 2008

Elvis Rocks the Canyon



We had driven by many times. At last we fulfilled our destiny. We pulled over by the sign that says, "Honk if you love Elvis!" As we walked into the Elvis Rocks the Canyon Cafe a trucker honked his horn.

The E.R., as it is known to the nearby residents of Boston Bar, boasts the biggest collection of Elvis crap I have ever seen. From wine coolers to condoms, if the likeness of Elvis can be imprinted on it, it is here in the E.R. It is like swimming in the creamy middle of an Elvis wet dream.

The food is great but they do not have beer. So pack your flask and get yourself up to the Elvis Rocks the Canyon Cafe.

I was never a big fan of Elvis until he got all bloated and fucked up on booze and pills. That is the Elvis I love. I love you Elvis, you big fat motherfucker.

7 comments:

Jon said...

I like most any kind of Elvis, but there is something about the doomed and bloated Elvis that I trly love. Maybe it's because I spend so much time feeling doomed and bloated. Maybe he, like I, finally realized he could never trly be Elvis. "My God, My God! Why have you forsaken me?"... and then he killed himself with pills and fried food.

I have a regular passenger, a learning disabled woman who works all year at a low wage job to save up enough money for Elvis Week in Memphis. I do not fuck with her in any way. She is alright in my book. Everybody needs to believe in something and there is much worse shit to believe in than Elvis.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

The closest things we have to an Elvis in this country (not counting Anne Murray) is Rockin' Ronnie Hawkins in the east and Joe Shithead in the west. Somehow, I don't think Canada is ready for a Shithead Punk Rocks the Canyon Cafe.

Gazetteer said...

Here's the thing though....

Our Anne has never actually entered her fake fat Elvis phase.

At least not yet.

And as for the Hawk?

Well, he clearly ain't no quitter.

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Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I dread saying it, because I love her dearly, but if Canada has a female Elvis she has to be kd lang.

Gazetteer said...

Including all the phases?

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Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

She's made quite a life for herself our kd. I never gave the matter any thought before but her life does reflect that of Elvis a little more than I mentioned as an aside. I hope she feels alright.

Gazetteer said...

I hope she's happier.

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