14 June 2007

Pow Pow Pow Pow


When I began 2 + 2, around about the time computers began catching on with people who drink more than may be required for a full and happy existence, I gave little thought to the possibility of any members of the opposite sex besides maybe my mom ("Do I really drink that much, Beer?") reading these pages. Hell, Sonja rarely visits the blog she lovingly calls Pooh Plus Pooh.

Clearly some, perhaps a great many women, are attracted to men who can vomit with the best of them. Don't laugh, I am very serious. All the guys I know who have had long, loving relationships met their gals at the peak of their spewing years. I am no Dr. Motherfucking Phil but I wonder if women are drawn to men with barf on their clothes and their shoes the way they are drawn to puking babies.

When Sonja and I were in our early dating years I was a vomit machine. I can still see myself lying on the floor in my psychedelic green boxers with my head resting on a balcony's door sill covering (and I mean covering) the entire balcony with Russian vodka and orange juice. The more I puked the more Sonja loved me.

Admittedly, Sonja's attraction to her Barf Daddy may have waned a little when my puking advanced to standing in the middle of a room and pissing my pants. I had to slow down my beverage intake for a month or two after that piddling performance. They do not put the word sickness before health in marriage vows for nothing is all I am trying to say.


And some say liquor kills the the cells in your head
And for that matter so does getting out of bed
When I exit, I'll go out gracefully, shot in my hand

The pow pow pow pow power of positive drinking

- Lou Reed

4 comments:

jen said...

the puking is a side effect of the badness in general. it's the badness we crave, no matter how much else needs to be tolerated. and tolerate, we will. we are nothing if not hell bent on salvation. of you.

it's cliche, but goddamn true.

Nicole said...

HA!

I see you have attracted yourself an anonymous

a clear sign you have made it!!! lol

So, I am starting to wonder if maybe I am one of the women you are wondering about that reads here.
I don't fit your mold...
I have never ever puked due to alcohol consumption and when I married the HUBS I was barely 20 and he was 22 and we just got married because we wanted to. How crazy is that I ask??? It will be 17 married years for us this Sept.

Here's another revelation...when I met the Hubs, he didn't drink. Infact, he only started drinking last July. His Grandfather was a terrible, mena abusive drunk and my motherinlaw had convinced her kids if they touched any of the "evil juice" they would for sure be drunks themselves.


Why do I come back and read here...cause I like ya!! Underneath that foul mouth, crusty, cranky exterior, beats a heart of possibly gold...I like to judge a man on how he treats and thinks of animals. All your dog stories tell me you are good people.
Plus you ALWAYS make me smile about something!!!

Ps. My Riders are on their way to BC Place. Kick off is tomorrow evening. The beers are a-chilling!!!

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Jen. - Your note reminds me of a line from Johnny Thunders' "So Alone" record, "He's good/bad, he's not evil."

Nic.- My love of dogs is a bit of a giveaway that I am not a total asshole. Many years ago when we had a loon killer on the loose in town I was asked and consented to escort a number of little old ladies through a park I frequented with my first dog Strangler. They all told me they could see I was ok because of my relationship with my shit eating mutt.

Anonymous said...

anonymous is anonymous because the kickass name 'Beer' is taken.

....But welcome to the blogger bigtime Mr. BnH...glad to be of service