25 June 2007

Black And White

I have not been feeling right lately. I have been feeling like the time Axel and I got on a bus at night and after many miles of travelling realized we were going west when we wanted to go east. We got off the bus at the next stop, crossed the road and smoked a scribble joint as we waited for a bus going where we wanted to go. "We're fucked up," said Alex as the scribbly Thai pot lit up the night like 100 lava lamps thrown into a swimming pool. "We're so fucked up we don't even know how to catch a fucking bus."

"That's us," I agreed.

At the time we were listening to a lot of the Strangler's "Black and White" record. We were not so fucked as to be unable to pick out a perfectly suitable soundtrack to a life of being fucked.

I think that was the night Axel decided if he was going to be a fuck up he might as well get serious about finding himself some steady cunt to be fucked up with instead of sharing a punk rock apartment with the Jesus of Cool Beer. One night soon thereafter Axel asked me what I thought of the Sliverville gal he had just began dating. I told him, "She's kind of dumpy." My brutal honesty gets me in trouble sometimes. He probably wanted to tear me a new asshole but that was just a couple weeks after I threw our two cats out of our 13th floor apartment because I thought they were police agents from another galaxy. I was Satan laughing, spreading His wings. Fucking alien cats. Axel moved out without giving any notice soon after my assessment of his girl. Women are like black and white televisions to me. I like them with rabbit ears and glowing tubes. Of course he married the bitch.

I think the reason I have not been feeling myself lately is because the solstice has come and gone and we have not seen much of the sun. The situation has become so dire I have hardly even been able to drink beer. By this time of the year I have usually been off the whisky for a month. Tonight I am into the Arran again.

I bought a 24 pack of tall Tuborgs just in case my beer hunger returns. I had a couple tall ones before I hit the scotch. Those Danish motherfuckers have not done much since they were toilers on the Viking Sea. But they can make beer like Alberta can make rednecks.


Anonymous said...

the anagram for Mrbeernhockey:

broken mercy eh

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I did not even realize my name had 13 letters in it until now. Most appropriate given the 13th letter of the alphabet is 'M', for marijuana.

You win a beer. Go buy yourself some.

Andraste said...

The Stranglers - good stuff!

Go find yourself some sun, sonny. That beer ain't going to drink itself.

Anonymous said...

It took a case to figure that one out