Anne Murray's Tits

I was going to have another beer and then I thought, "Fuck the beer," and poured myself a big glass of scotch. Sometimes beer just does not do. Sometimes scotch does not do either. That is why they bottle cask strength whisky. If that does not do make sure your will is up to date and dig a deeper well.

I am chided on occasion by some non-members of the Anne Murray fan club about the appropriateness of my deep metaphysical appreciation of Anne Murray. "What the fuck do you see in her, Beer? Her tits were never that big and she never even bothered to have them enlarged. Put a set of milk jugs on her and I could see what you see in her. She has never been thrown in the slammer for driving wasted into a telephone pole on a Nova Scotian country road. Fuck Beer, she's never even come out of the closet. Have you listened to "Snowbird" lately? Just who the fuck else is there on this planet who listens to a Lou Reed record back to back with Anne Murray's "What A Wonderful Christmas" in June?"

For one thing I think Canada needs more people who are at least a little eccentric. That is one of the things I love about England: the country is loaded with eccentrics. We need more Pink Fairies and less Canadian Idol. Canada has been influenced and run by conformist religious fuddle dicks for too long.

I have always liked Anne Murray. She is my Diana. My Princess. My stained humpy blanket. But it was not until she got a little long in the tooth and adopted Alex Lifeson's present hair style and people started making fun of her that I began to love Anne Murray. If you cannot be the first on the bandwagon get onto it late so you can get to know the stragglers. Initiators and stragglers are fun to drink beer with.

Anyhow, it is too fucking cool the government parasites who run the Post Office of Canada have issued a stamp with Anne Murray on it. Gordie Lightfoot, Paul Anka and I think maybe Geddy Lee got a stamp too. But of the four of them I bet it is Anne Murray who will look the most like Elvis, except with smaller tits.