9 May 2007

Cold Beef Liver

Big Daddy has been looking happier than an oil company owner with a freshly filled viagra prescription and his secretary sitting on his face this week so I sat down beside him in the lunch room today to find out the source of his joy. After I asked he quietly told me, "Buy me a couple fucking beers after work and I'll tell you a story that'll make your useless pecker hard."

I knew Big Daddy's story was going to be a good one when he did not start to tell it until after his second pint of Heineken. "I was clubbing with a couple of the boys up in North Dope City on Saturday. I hadn't had any for a couple weeks so I was wearing my leather pants that let the ladies know why I'm not just Daddy, I'm Big Daddy. But I was still striking out with every broad I made contact with. Fucking cunts!

"Just when I thought I might have to drive to a club in Sliverville if I was going to get laid a little blonde who did not even look 19 eyed me from the the other side of the club. So I grabbed a couple shooters and went over and introduced myself. She looked sort of familiar so I said so. She said, 'Maybe you remember me from the company picnic a few years ago? Maybe you don't. I did not have these then.' She looked down at her tits and into my eyes and I knew my problem was solved. She was the mill super's daughter.

"We had a few more and went back to my place. She rolled us a skookum joint and then we started fucking but she was one of those chicks that just fucking lie there. Fuck I hate that. It was like fucking a piece of cold beef liver in the knothole of a tree. So I asked her to call me Daddy as I fucked her. After she called me Daddy a few times she loosened up and made the grade. She wasn't the best fuck I ever had but she was the best daughter of the boss I ever laid into.

"But the best part is she's bringing over her sister this weekend."

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