I bought my mom a bottle of organic gin for mother's day. She said, "This is the best present anyone has given me for mother's day since the bottle of gin you bought me last year. You sure know your mom."
"Sort of like when you used to give me money to buy dope when I was a teenager, eh mom?" I replied after getting a big fat mom gin kiss.
"That money was supposed to be for clothes. No wonder the mall fucking closed down and you looked such a grub when you were in school."
"Remember when I got called into the principal's office because he thought my family were too poor to clothe me? The red-faced old git actually gave me $50 from the school's poor folk fund so I could buy a pair of pants and a couple t-shirts that did not have hash burns in them. That $50 bought me two lids and the friendship of the mayor's son who scored me some his clothes he had outgrown for smoking him up."
"Oh you did not smoke up the mayor's son!"
"It was the '70s mom. Everybody was high except for you, dad and Don Cherry."