29 April 2007

Old Photos Never Die

My dad transferred hundreds of old photos onto a cd and sent them over. Bloody nice of the old codger. Some of the photos, all taken with a Brownie, date back to the hippy days. That was when Dope City still wanted to be Toronto West. Those were the days present Dope City mayor Sam Sullivan rode a trolley through Ground Less-Than-Zero to take piano lessons from Mother Fucking Teresa instead of buying crack for crackheads to smoke in the back of his van.

In one of the old photos I am wearing an Allman Brothers t-shirt. A baggie of grass is poking out of the pocket of my cut-off jeans and I had a packet of crude MDA in my sock. I was like a sledgehammer baby. I was in the infancy of my fucked-upness. Back then I was listening to all kinds of heavy rock - Status Quo, Lou Reed, Alice Cooper and Nazareth and I was living in Sliverville, the biggest suburban drug supermarket in Canada. We were always running out of dope in those days in Sliverville. The motorcycle gangs could not keep up with the enthusiastic demand. I was trying to learn how to roll the perfect two-paper joint. I thought it would be cool to die like Duane Allman died - a pile of broken bones on the Highway to Hell.

I have been listening to lots of Nazareth on the record player Reggie gave up for adoption. Nazareth may never have received the critical acclaim the Allmans did, and they never gave Cher a long hairy fuck, but those sweaty Scottish cunts sure made some first rate rock records. They just may be the greatest rock band formed north of Birmingham, England ever. And Nazareth are playing with Status Quo in Germany this summer. If rock is dead it is one ugly rocking zombie motherfucker.

I like the occasional new band I get introduced to in my cold computer world but I have not heard a band that I have stuck with for than a few months since the Strokes and Rebel Spell. What I would like to hear is more Anne Murray influenced Sex Pistols shit like L7 or early Hole. Nothing rocks harder than a pretty face with PMS.

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