31 January 2007


Maybe it was the big plate of spaghetti I had for dinner that got me thinking about it. Maybe it has just been too long since I sat down to a huge bowl of Kraft Dinner. I was wondering just how many meals of Kraft Dinner I have eaten.

I conservatively figure I have eaten between two and three thousand Kraft Dinners. But the number is probably higher because I ate so much of that shit when I was kid and when I was a bachelor on a dope and beer budget.

I always liked my Kraft Dinner best with lots and lots of milk and butter in it. Greasy, orange noodle soup. That way it did not stick too bad to the bottom of the pot either. I have had to throw out pots that had Kraft Dinner stuck on them so bad.

Sometimes mom chucked a can of tuna into the mix or anything else handy. The only time I did not like what mom stirred into the Kraft Dinner was the time she added some leftover seal flipper pie. That was gross. Seal flipper pie should be served on the side of Kraft Dinner.

When my grandma was getting real old and losing it she used to give her grand-kids a box of stuff she did not want in her place any more as they were on the way out the door. I still have some 78s that were in one box. That might have been the same box that contained a couple old, old boxes of Kraft Dinner. They were probably leftover from the days we used to spend the night at grandma's house. When I opened one of the boxes of Kraft Dinner to eat it had bugs in it.

My favourite thing I ever put in Kraft Dinner was Mexican Cheez Whiz. That shit was hot as a supermodel with some meat on her. I used to put that Mexican Cheez Whiz on everything. Fuck that Mexican Cheez Whiz was hot, too hot to put down your pants. Regular Cheez Whiz is ok down there. Try it sometime. Put some in your underwear and walk around all day.

I never had sex with a big bowl of Kraft Dinner but I bet lots of people have. And I will bet Willie Picton wishes he had not strayed from fucking his bowl of Kraft Dinner.

Sonja does not let me eat Kraft Dinner any more. She says, "That crap clogs up the arteries leading to your mojo." There is box in the back of the cupboard that has been there since the early days of the War on Terror. I am saving it to eat when my sawmill closes down.



MMMMMMMM!...cheez whiz in my shorts', I like it too.Actually , anything squishy in the down unders feels Good. We must be regressing.

Anonymous said...

Kraft Mac and Cheese...Weiners....Jello

the staples of the 50's and 60's child...

f'cked up stuff

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Just about everything is illegal or bad for you except for cheez whiz in your drawers.

KD, weiners and jello ... sort of proves dope and beer must be good for you. How else can you explain the comparative good health and longevity of people from the middle part of the last century? Maybe we aren't what we eat. Could we be what we drink and smoke?

Anonymous said...

which takes you right back to

'beware the jabberwock' have a tasty 'sroom, One pill makes you larger And one pill makes
you small And the ones that mother gives you Don't do anything at all ...

I'm right there with ya...

you, me, lewis carroll, grace slick and maybe even homer simpson

A. B. Chairiet said...

I love that Canadians call it "Kraft Dinner"...it gives it a whole new air of classiness. :)

We just call it Mac and cheese, or Roni and cheese (tis what Bot and I call it).

I liked this post, though. Reminded me of being a kid and thinking Roni and cheese was some fancy treat that mom or grandma slaved away to make possible...now I know it's just ten minutes and way too much butter. :)


I hope you're doing well.

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I look forward to catching up...

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Take care and Happy Tuesday,
~ Ash