26 March 2006

The Natural Enemy of Canada

I like this time of the morning a lot. The Hammer heard me stir while I was still under the covers so she came over and gobbed all over my face to make sure I was awake. I let her outside, had a huge beer shit like a beer drinking circus bear would impress customers with and brewed myself some coffee. The Hammer goes straight back to her blanket when I let her in. Morning sucks for some but it is my favourite part of the day.

I do not keep up with the politics of coffee like I do with fossil fuel products but I am sure we are getting robbed every time we fill our cup. The coffee I made this morning was bought from the Army & Navy store. It is about half the price of the coffee I usually buy and is perfectly good mud. I have tried some politically correct fair trade and organic coffees but they have all tasted like a beer drinking circus bear's beer shit. (When you come up with as fine an image as a beer drinking circus bear taking a shit, why use it only once?)

Henrik phoned yesterday. He wants to empty a lake of its fish soon, like fishermen used to do before the days of regulations. He told me, "I've had the fucking flu. I could use an enema from a couple of naked rock 'n' roll nurses." Henrik has had a thing about rock 'n' roll nurses ever since he bought a New York Dolls 8-track. Not too sure where his fascination with enemas came from. Could be it was from having his asshole traumatized in hospital every couple of years.

We have old family photos of fishing trips before catch limits were regulated. The people in the photos make you wonder what kind of a fucked up hillbilly country Canada was 50 years ago. Their fish catch has to be carefully arranged just to fit in a photograph. I remember my dad coming home from many fishing trips, when the Hockey family were still figuring out how to get out of motherfucking Alberta, with 5 gallon pails full of fish. "There's no seals in motherfucking Alberta," my dad used to say, "so this is what we get." They were white fish, all full of bones that constantly lodged in our throats, but it was better than starving, which is what we would have done without being resourceful, on the humiliating wage the Canadian government paid dad to slowly prepare our country for war one day with the natural enemy of Canada: Afghanistan.

No comments: