Fact is I meant to sit down yesterday and write about how many holes the cheese in the Swiss net had in him after Canada had finished with him. Instead the nation famous for Nazi collaboration had beaten the Canadian team to cheez whiz with the help of a bunch of video replay judges better suited to judging figure skating than whether or not a puck crosses a thin red line. My buddy who was in his youth a corporal in the Nestle army was beside himself with joy. He phoned me after the game and said, "Beer, you dumb Canadian motherfucker! You fucking Canadians just got beat by the best yodellers in the world! And your big baby Bertuzzi played like he ate a big bowl of shit before the game! Wooooooooooo! The Swiss rule you bastard!"
On my way home from the gym today I heard the Finns are leading Canada 2-0. Thankfully I know no Finnish folk or someone would be on the phone calling me a dumb motherfucker again.
It looks as though I may have to send a resume to Hockey Canada. Hockey coaching talent like I could bring to the table is as elusive as the Canadian black alligator. I have never seen such an uncombative Canadian team. That is what happens when you let the children of rich snivelling shits take over the Canadian game.
I better have another beer before the third period starts.
I should have had a few shots of heroin.