5 February 2006

The American Grey Cup 2006

I'm old and boring now. I can tell this on Super Bowl Sunday. The one day per year Canadians lower the eyebrow we usually raise towards the disaster to the south of us and watch your quaint four down game as if it were superior to our own three down Grey Cup.
When I was younger we used to have a stripper visit our house party at half time. The closest thing we have had to a stripper at half time recently was Janet Jackson's millisecond boob shot.

This year we will watch the Rolling Stones. I have a funny feeling Jagger may flash us some old man boob.

The half time stripper show I liked the best was when a work mate of Jimi's brought his 16 year old son over to watch the game. The stripper was well chosen, a couple guys do a painful amount of research weeks in advance of the big day before hiring one out. The stripper always arrives with a male escort. This time the girl was clearly chosen for her upper body. She was a Sliverville stripper version of Pamela Anderson. She massaged the 16 year old's face with her attributes for her whole show. It was delightful. I do not know who enjoyed it more - the boy or his old man who had slipped her a few extra bucks to cement his boy's sexuality.

Like just about all strippers around here she insisted on dancing to crappy music. My dream stripper set would be the Stooges' "I Wanna Be Your Dog", the Stranglers' "School Ma'am", the Vibrators' "Whips and Furs", DOA's "Tits on the Beach" and Cockney Rejects' "Bubbles". I man can dream. My dreams include doggie style sexy school teacher whips 'n' furs on the beach with a monster bubble machine. I am the Lawrence Welk of the dream sex world.

We used to all drink beer like somebody had forgot to add the 5% alcohol to it. Now we do not want to kill anybody on our drive home. Only one of my old buddies ever killed anyone when they were pissed. Someone jumped in front of his car one Super Bowl evening a block from his home. Buddy paid the price even though he was driving just fine. He has never been the same since that guy bounced off his windshield.

In today's game I think Las Vegas has got the line all wrong. I like Seattle to win big, maybe by a couple of touchdowns. Bet the motherfucking house. But what do I know? I'm just passing another Sunday afternoon until the Olympics get going in Italy and we get to watch some real sports - hockey on the big international ice.

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